You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
