dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
