cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
