ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
