So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
