remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
