I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
