She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
