I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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