My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
