a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
