I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
