Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
