You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
