you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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