Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
