Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
