The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
