Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
