I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
