I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
