How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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