The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
