Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
