hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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