Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
