Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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