I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
