He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
