Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
