Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
