I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
