Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
