Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
