Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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