We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
