Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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