I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
