I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
