Tell her she can't have a vagina
What did we do last night that was yellow?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i think my cat just said my name.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
