You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
