so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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