I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How external is "for external use only"?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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