Already got asked if we're dating
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
