You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
