yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
