The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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