Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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