I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
