i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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