I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Soap is not a condiment
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
