dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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