If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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